From the words of Rhonda Mason, "I am here to preserve our story". Both visually and written. Losing Keller makes me ever more aware of the brevity of life. While I will continue to write about our story I also wish to begin to document it visually. At the moment there is not an exact plan for this project - I imagine the images and words I choose to capture will evolve over time - nonetheless they will be capturing our story. Our mornings. Our workdays. Our evenings over dinner. Our losses and blessings. Our travels. Our transitions. Moments that are entirely silly and moments that are quite serious. This is our story, our lives captured on film (or rather digitally), for our family to look back on one day and remember.
01 JANUARY WEEK ONE After learning of our loss and spending much of our weekend in bed, my husband, who has so lovingly lead us through our grieving, lead us one afternoon on a walk to Lake Michigan. It was looking out on this very landscape where I truly cried. Where we cried. "When we taste the loss so deeply because we loved so deeply and treasured God's gift - and God in his gift - so passionately that the loss cuts the deeper and the longer, and yet in and through the depths and the lengths of sorrow we never let go of God, and feel him never letting go of us - in that longer sorrow he is also greatly honored, because the length of it reveals the magnitude of our sense of loss for which we do not forsake God." (John Piper)
02 JANUARY WEEK TWO We decided on the name Keller for our first baby boy or girl this week. And together we selected an item that we each could carry with us in memory of Keller. I selected a ring scripted with Keller's name and Guy received a beautifully engraved key chain. We also chose to celebrate Keller's birth this week. A celebration we hope to continue in the years to follow.
03 JANUARY WEEK THREE We returned to work this week. And with our return to work we eased back into our family's routines. Routines that include preparing lunches on Sundays, hitting snooze one (or ten) times too many, relishing the Starbuck's giftcards received for Christmas, and returning home from work in the dark only to start dinner together (currently over-using the lovely Kinfolk cookbook for our inspiration). As of late we've chosen to cook together, I directing the recipe, and Guy by my side chopping, washing, and mixing as we go. We have yet in marriage to really utilize our table for dinner. Instead we prefer to cozy up on the couch under heavy blankets for our dinners. A rhythm I know that will change in the future, so for now I will relish these cozy dinners for two.
04 JANUARY WEEK FOUR January remained a month far from ordinary in our home. The loss of Keller, three work conferences requiring travel in three weeks, and preparing for an upcoming move turned normal upside down for our family. But with the abnormal a new normal has begun in it's place. Or more truthfully I have begun to ask myself if there really is such a thing as 'normal'.