There have been so many changes in the past two months for our family. I don't always write about them because I feel the need to internally process them myself before opening up to the masses or even those in my real-life for that matter. Often I feel as if I'm not really sure what I'm feeling at the moment.
Last Thursday afternoon I sat across from my husband in our favorite lunch spot in Milwaukee. Over Mac & Cheese and Grilled Cheese we created space - space has been elusive recently, to the point where all I could describe to my husband over lunch was the feeling of being underwater, overwhelmed, out of breath, dog-tired, and crowded out.
A culprit I know relates to my grief. It's at the moment, something that continues to be so incredibly challenging for me to fully enter into. When all you desire to be is joyful again, for life to return to whatever resemblance of normal there is - grief pulls you back in, back down, reminding you that you cannot go back to the normal that once was.
Another culprit without question is our current work/life balance. Too many weekend and evening commitments at work and not enough freedom and space to pour into our personal lives and relationships at home. This sticky balance is not easily unraveled by saying no to work commitments we're required to attend, rather it falls in our laps to better utilize whatever time, however small, we do have while at home. And adding another layer of complexity we find ourselves in below zero temperatures, preparing for another move at the end of March, leading a group of students on a spring break missions trip mid-March, and attempting to make major decisions that need to be decided sooner rather than later.
That's what I know I need more than anything - and yet it's not. What I need more than anything is to reconcile with God and to breathe. "...we have to do more than just let go. We have to replace our icy vices with the good, warm things of God. I am forever stuck in the winter of sin until I let go of myself and receive the good things of God. Christ is the best gift of God - He is worth more than anything we could ever give up...Springtime is coming! Christ Himself is the real answer to the cold ache of our souls. It's not an easy answer, but He is the answer that actually addresses the heart of my need. He is the relieving thaw of spring." (SheReadsTruth)
Space. For Him.
That is where I will begin as I enter into this Lenten Season. Space for Him is where I will begin our transitions and upcoming changes. It is where I will bear my grief. And it is where I will lay my hands open about our dreams.
How are you entering into the Lenten Season?