If you've been following along with our story you know sharing this news means immensely more than my words can express. Back in mid-March we were cautiously excited to learn we were pregnant with our second baby. It happened to be on the same day we returned from driving 18-hours through the night, our car broke down, and we missed our nephew's first birthday party - you really can't make these days up. Between feeling total exhaustion from our drive and a wave of emotions about our car and missed party, the news of a baby was perspective setting. In very Johnson family fashion we popped a pizza in the oven, threw in a movie, and snuggled into bed together to celebrate (and sleep off the 18-hour drive).
Slowly we've shared our news with family, dear friends, and coworkers - today it is a milestone to share with all of you! We're 21-weeks along in this journey and there's so much more I hope to share as we've teetered between grief and joy, but for today here's just a few quick thoughts I had throughout the first trimester. More on the 2nd to come in the later weeks.
First Trimester Notes
- Eating Wins: Toast, Citrus Fruits, Crackers, Oatmeal, and basically anything bland will do // Eating Woes: Anything Green, Leafy, Veggie-Like, or with intense seasoning and spices.
- Morning Sickness is a horribly misinformed term. It's rather all-day sickness for weeks on end leaving you nauseous and averse to most foods 24/7. While mine managed to grow worse before better I think at 15-weeks I can safely say we're moving out of this stage.
- Getting sick while pregnant will rock you - a small cold hangs on for days (or weeks in my case) and if the morning sickness wasn't enough to slow you down, the lack of clear nasal passages, swollen throat, and plugged ear drums will.
- The Fatigue is real.
- Being pregnant and not telling anyone is crazy challenging when dealing with all the above ailments (for this very reason our boss knew pretty early about our pregnancy).
- Seeing the baby's heartbeat at 6-weeks and then hearing the baby's heartbeat at 12-weeks is a sound I hope never to forget.
- Pregnancy after miscarriage is scary. The naivety of the whole process is forever gone. But also the blessing of the entire process is evermore at the forefront of our minds. Morning sickness and all I do not take for granted the precious gift we've been given to steward in our lives.
- The baby has unofficially been named "baby embryo" by my sister-in-laws;). Baby J by myself and Guy.
- My husband deserves an award all his own for the way he has selflessly taken care of me during the first trimester. Watching him care for me has me ever more excited to watch him grow into fatherhood and care for our children.
- The internet doesn't know everything and doesn't need to be your first source or even a source at all during pregnancy.
- Maternity clothes are worth the investment. At my husband's urging after rubberbanding one two many uncomfortable pre-pregnancy jeans, we finally stepped into a full-fledged maternity store and came out (literally came out wearing) clothes that buttoned, zipped, and closed - rubberband free. I'm grateful for his concern for my comfort and for the lovely stretchy pants and tees I'll be living in for the next many months.
- Most profound over the last 15-weeks is the continued desire for control I surrender to the Lord as I care for another life in the best way I know how. The loss of Keller and the blessing of this baby remain fixed on my mind most days. The brevity of life, the mysteries we cannot explain, and the questions left unanswered all hang out in the open giving me the opportunity to trust God's faithfulness, character, and loving plan regardless of our circumstances today, tomorrow, or the next.
"You turned my mourning into dancing; you have loosed my sackcloth and clothed me with gladness" - Psalm 30:11