I Remember.

I remember December 26th, 2014 like it was yesterday. I remember the overwhelming fear and the gut feeling that your instincts are right - something was wrong. I remember the empty ultrasound. More than anything I remember the silence in that moment, silence except for my own quiet sobs I was attempting to contain in the darkness of the room. I remember sitting in the car in the hospital parking lot, sobbing as the mother and son in the car next to us tried not to stare. I remember my dad holding me tightly and telling me we would have our chance. I remember the six-hour drive back to Milwaukee, my husband and I taking turns sobbing between the silence and uneaten dinner between us. I remember the deep, incredibly deep sleep that overcame me as I dove into our bed at home. I remember the weeks to follow, the doctor's appointments, the therapeutic walks and hours spent sitting in the bitter cold overlooking Lake Michigan, the beautiful words my husband wrote to honor our son/daughter. I remember it all like December 26th, 2014 was yesterday.

It's been over a year since we said goodbye to Keller and he/she was welcomed into the arms of Jesus. 

I remember and I write because I never want to forget. I will always celebrate Keller and his/her influence in our lives, in our family. I remember he/she made me a mom. I remember not just the grief, but the joy we experienced in the brief weeks of Keller's life.

Keller, you are so loved.